You know how some people are squirmish about carrying a baby who's not quite developed her neck muscles or sit up on her own?
Yep, that was me.
I wouldn't offer to carry unless the baby was at least one year old...the only exception were my nephews and that was under the supervision of their parents.
"I only like babies when they can talk," declared I.
And I hung on to that sentiment entering parenthood.
Of course I handle Bud with a lot more confidence than I had with babies, say a year ago.
But I was waiting with eager anticipation for him to grow up fast so we could have meaningful conversations. I couldn't wait to fast forward this stage where he does nothing but eat, sleep and poo. I found myself telling friends that Bud doesn't sleep a lot because deep down inside, I didn't know what to do with him during his waking moments.
Then I read the sentiments of Elizabeth Pentley, author of the "No Cry Sleep Solution" : "You may find you actually relish those quiet night wakings when no else is around. .... I love these silent moments that we share in the night. And I love being needed by this precious baby. ... Trust me when I say,"You'll miss this." Even the dark, exhausted nights will take on certain romance in your memories, and they'll bubble to the surface when your "baby" drives off in his first car, graduates from school, gets married, has his own baby."
And it hit me.
When I return to the work force, will those previous moments be hard to come by? Will my days consume my energy such that I no longer have the willpower to feed him at night?
By golly, these may be my last few weeks of nursing! Maybe I don't quite feel it yet but I know I will miss those nights for sure when it was just me, Bud and a few nocturnal insects.
Now that he is getting sociable (smiles, chuckles) and "conversing" a fair bit, he'll start running in a blink of an eye and ironically, I'm hoping to retard the wheels of change and hanging on to every precious moment I have with him.