Christmas 2010: Bud's First

In a not too distant past, Pa would always ask us what we wanted for Christmas so he could pass on the message to Santa. On Christmas morning, we'd inevitably find our gifts under the tree.

I'd received some of the best gifts ever from under that tree...gifts I'd wish I'd kept.

Bud is not too young to know about Christmas.

I sang to him Christmas hymns, placed him on my lap amidst studying while Corrinne May crooned in the background about The Gift, pasted Christmas jelly stickers in places where he'd gaze. My happiest contribution yet was to bring him to church to welcome the birth of The Emmanuel. There'll be more Christmas traditions to be embraced as he gets older.

We took Bud to the restaurant where Wei & I spent our last Christmas as a DINK (double income no kids).

Pre-Bud

He was a sweetheart and slept through most of our dinner and made an appearance for a special family shot.

This Christmas he got to see his cousins from Hong Kong for the first time. There's no greater love and joy than time spent with family. I put him in silly festive costumes which will make great pictures for the album. And the gifts.....so many nice gifts from the people who cares for him.

I do hope I made his first Christmas a special one.

Our Christmas sure has been magical with him around.



**See our Christmas in stills here.**

Good Morning You 2

I woke up one morning to see my fave boys pouring over something interesting on the net in their best outfit yet.

What a great way to kick start the day.

Letters To Bud: Guilt

Dearest Bud

I'm sorry Mummy hasn't spent much time with you since she's started work.

Mummy will like to think that she's giving you a better future with this new job but all she's doing is providing you greater material comfort.....which means squat to you if she's not there, mentally.

With the limited time we have with each other in the evenings, my mind is distracted, my eyes -- not on you. You get curious over Mummy's text book and the number of tears and crumpled pages were testiment to how Mummy tried to marry her 2 priorities together.

You shouldn't have to be embroiled in my struggle.

On weekends, Daddy has had to step it up to just so that Mummy had the time to study in the next room. I hated to be so near yet so far away.

You know what? After 3 unsuccessful tries, Mummy finally made it!!!

Mummy got on the phone with Daddy and we were both laughing and crying at the same time. We did it, Buddy.....the 3 of us. It was your sacrifice as much as it was Daddy's.

Now I feel like a dark cloud has lifted and blown away...life could go on as we all knew it.

Mummy's back. No more distractions, no more sneaking away... Mummy can pick up her reading on parenting books and we can spend solid time together.

We're gonna have a great year ahead!

Happy Christmas!

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown-up now
Can you still help somehow?
I'm not a child, but my start still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself, but for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal our hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end

This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown-up Christmas list

Happy Christmas to the child in you, Love from the Linsters.

Hair Apparent

Ta Dah!

I present to you the cut of the year, literally for this little guy.

Maybe not much of a diff but there's so much of his face now, instead of being blocked by the 'shroom hair.

First Cut

For the first time in 8.5 months, Bud gets his first cut.

If it wasn't his little tuft of hair getting in the way of his eyes, we would have been pretty comfortable to let the rest of his hair grow out.

The "Before"

And so, his first hair cut was quite a poignant moment for this mummy and will not go down without being documented.

Bribery

Dodger

**Watch this space to see his new haircut. **

Where I Stood

I don't know what i've done
Or if i like what i've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none


There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That i should go and this should end
Oh and i found myself listening


'cause i don't know who i am who i am without you
All i know is that i should
And i don't know if i could stand another hand upon you
All i know is that i should

New Challenges for This Mummy Brain

I thought that if I could tolerate labour pain (30 hours of it no less) and give birth to a baby ....I could do anything.....anything I want as long as I put my heart and mind to it.

Well.

Almost anything.

Never mind the lack of sleep, the challenges in the new job, juggling relationships ....

Passing this d@mn exam is such an uphill battle. The tunnel seems too long, the light too dim.

I think it takes a miracle to happen....

Bud has waited far too long.

He wants his Mummy back.

A Friend From Before

I was sitting across Wei during lunch and somehow, I thought he resembled a friend from long ago.

Spot the Difference

Gobsmacked By Lip Smack

Bud was in his pjs lying on the bed with me. Most times, I like to smack my lips together to get a reaction from him.

I was tickled pink by his reaction.

In Love Again

"I am in love with this guy," I blurted out.
"I'm glad you are," came the reply.

I don't know about you but I wanna chomp on my son's cheeks, nibble his toes, sink my teeth into his thighs, breathe his breath constantly, blow farting sounds on his little tum-tum, plant wet kisses on his lips, chew on his earlobes...

Poor fella's stuck with me for a very long time.

*Evil laughter*

Learning by Osmosis

How do women do it? Study, look after a kid and breastfeed a baby?

Could I learn faster by putting my head next to the book?

Giving new meaning to the term 'hitting the book".

The Aidan Smell

Wei quite correctly pointed out that he now associates the dryer sheet we use for Bud's clothes to be The Aidan Smell....a mixture of coconut, palm, canola plus Bud's very own essential oils.

I'm sure halfway across the world, another set of parents also associate the same smell as their baby's scent.

Method Squeaky Green Baby Dryer Cloth

Tres Vogue for Mothers

I am really stoked to learn about Mothers En Vogue (MEV) at about the time Bud was born.

Here's a brand of maternity/nursing clothing that truly understands that style needn't be compromised for function. This is a local label founded by a mother who understands the demands of elegant nursing on the go and provides options of various nursing access.

I was sold by the fact that this is also an eco-conscious brand which uses natural fibres like organic cotton and bamboo and they feel soft on the skin even after several washes.

I've been using the clothing to death since Bud came along. For the tops, I've tried the neckline, side seam and vertical-front access; Love love love the neckline access. It's fast and easy. The side seam can be a bit tricky. Bud is quite active and more often than not he unlatches several times during the feed. I find it cumbersome to keep separating the material wide enough for Bud to continue with the feed. I least like the vertical-front access because both hands are required to do the zip, leaving Bud is a precarious position on my lap -- barring an extra set of hands for help.

I like the cutting of the bottoms too ranging from skirts, weekend shorts to capris.

Unlike the other maternity/nursing wear, MEV's quality does not deteriorate after several washes and it's good to wear even without ironing (who's not a busy mom, right?)

I just wished I'd tried this brand sooner when I was pregnant with Bud. At least I've 'stressed tested' the tops during nursing and these batch of clothes will again come useful for baby #2.....that is if they've not fallen apart from my incessant wearing.

Marco! Polo!

Wei has a knack for looking out for these sorta things and was quite quick to point it out.

"Polo Bear?"

And why in the world are there automobiles with the great big bear?

Combi High Chair

It was big. It was bulky. It was simply OTT. I didn't care for it at first sight.

I baulked at the price.

"$270 plus? You must be kidding!"I thought.

2 months on, I've learnt to appreciate this Combi Rashule high chair.

For one, it is a chair on wheels. Bud goes wherever I am (to the kitchen, to the study) in the comfort of his chair and my hands are free to potter about.

It's high so no back-breaking moves for me and the older folks.

The back of the chair can be reclined backwards such that it's a sleeping bed (shown in the picture) or upwards -- for a baby as inquisitive as Bud, he sure likes the view.

The chair will also slide back and forth in a rocking motion; Bud has caught many a nap in this super chair.

There is a tray (not in pictures) which the baby could use during feeding and the seat cushion can be removed for machine wash.


Drawbacks:

1) The wheels go forwards and backwards; front wheels swivel but have their limitations especially around corners;

2) The cotton padding, even though touted as having a ventilating system, can be a bit thick. Bud has soaked it several times with his sweat;

3) There is a 5-point harness which protects the baby in various stages of growth, which is a plus actually. But I detest using the shoulder straps on Bud -- somehow it reminds me of the infamous picture of Dr. Hannibal in Silence of the Lambs.

All in all, I appreciate the convenience this high chair has provided. Bud seems to like it enough and like most babies who get bored easily, he fusses ocassionally to be carried.

Would I buy a second unit for home? Very tempting but I am deterred by the hefty price tag.

The Body Postpartum Update

My hair has started to fall...fast.

3 months and 1 week since Bud's birth, I now see the strands of hair at the bathroom drain stopper. When I style my hair, a comb through my hair will take along at least 4 strands. My poor healthy hair!

My face started breaking out. Perfect timing, I thought, just when I am about to start work!

Diapers Made Sexy

Read the word "nappy" and memories of the times I used to fold the white muslins for my nieces and nephew came to mind.

A girlfriend once said the usage of nappies was made possible by having the helper in the house do the laundry and we all know the work that's got to go into ensuring those muslins come out white after a big (poop) job.


Modern nappies these days come in such exciting colours. A little rinse, throw them into the machine and they are as good as new. No pre-folds necessary. It really is that easy. I was a little apprehensive, to be honest, whether the nappy will hold its own (pun intended) when it came to the low and the dirty.

Bud poos every 3-4 days. When poop day comes, I can hear the diaper shi*ting in its pants (another pun intended) 'cos it sure is a sh*t load, lemme tell you that.

Bud wears the Bumwear Pocket Diapers and so far, it hasn't disappointed.

I like the fact that:

1) the diaper is adjustable and Bud could wear it till he is 2 yo;

2) I am not adding to the refuse collection -- ordinary diapers take a long time to break down;

3) I am saving money (there's a neat illustration at the website on how much money you potentially save vis a vis buying a disposable diaper);

4) I could pass this down to Baby #2.

Bud wearing Bumwear

We've also been using Seventh Generation. The disposable diapers are free from chlorine bleaching, hence the natural brown hue. It is hypoallergenic and free from fragrance and latex. A pack of 40s cost $15.50 from NTUC Finest which doesn't cost anymore than your Mamy Pokos and your Pampers at S$0.38 a pop. There were times where the diaper couldn't contain the load. Bud's clothing was wet either at the back or at his side within the hour after a change. That was during the initial stage so it could've been that we didn't put on the diaper properly. As a breastfed baby, Bud's poo tends to be runny. On poo days, the yellow will inevitably stain the leg gathers onto his upper thighs. So we've haven't actually used it at night.

I've recently ordered another eco friendly disposable diaper from Oko Loco which brings in Moltex biodegradable diapers .

Will it do better than Seventh? I can't wait to find out. Watch this space for the review.

Low Bang, Lobang

His hair at the back is going as well!!

Dizzying Heights

If you remembered a post some months ago about something I was hankering for, well, I got it.

In my (weak) defense, it's a gift for myself to celebrate motherhood....since Wei doesn't know the concept of a push gift! Oh alright, not that I could ever bring it up to him anyway.

But this gilamama couldn't believe that she actually put her plastic ---and heart through a major workout. And she was doing so well, abstaining from retail therapy....until now, that is.

I had no intention of buying. "They wouldn't have my size," I assured myself but I tried asking anyway.

There it was sitting non-threateningly on the shelf. Once I had it on, I was beside myself.

It put the word "cleavage" to a new meaning.

No need to adjust your screen. It had the same dizzying effect on me.

PS: Me thinks the calf muscles will be quite solid from the tippy toeing away from skinny heel fiends like floor grouts and escalator teeth.

Holding On To Precious Moments

You know how some people are squirmish about carrying a baby who's not quite developed her neck muscles or sit up on her own?

Yep, that was me.

I wouldn't offer to carry unless the baby was at least one year old...the only exception were my nephews and that was under the supervision of their parents.

"I only like babies when they can talk," declared I.

And I hung on to that sentiment entering parenthood.

Of course I handle Bud with a lot more confidence than I had with babies, say a year ago.

But I was waiting with eager anticipation for him to grow up fast so we could have meaningful conversations. I couldn't wait to fast forward this stage where he does nothing but eat, sleep and poo. I found myself telling friends that Bud doesn't sleep a lot because deep down inside, I didn't know what to do with him during his waking moments.

Then I read the sentiments of Elizabeth Pentley, author of the "No Cry Sleep Solution" : "You may find you actually relish those quiet night wakings when no else is around. .... I love these silent moments that we share in the night. And I love being needed by this precious baby. ... Trust me when I say,"You'll miss this." Even the dark, exhausted nights will take on certain romance in your memories, and they'll bubble to the surface when your "baby" drives off in his first car, graduates from school, gets married, has his own baby."

And it hit me.

When I return to the work force, will those previous moments be hard to come by? Will my days consume my energy such that I no longer have the willpower to feed him at night?

By golly, these may be my last few weeks of nursing! Maybe I don't quite feel it yet but I know I will miss those nights for sure when it was just me, Bud and a few nocturnal insects.

Now that he is getting sociable (smiles, chuckles) and "conversing" a fair bit, he'll start running in a blink of an eye and ironically, I'm hoping to retard the wheels of change and hanging on to every precious moment I have with him.

Running for Sanctuary House

The pledge:
Run 21 km
Raise S$21,000.00 AND
Lose 10 kg

Kudos to the person who thrives to achieve any ONE of the above, much less all 3 at the same time.

This outstanding pledge is a "single mother's search for balance & fulfilment" in support for Sanctuary House.

Sanctuary House was set up in 2005 as a haven for abandoned babies and families in crisis pregnancy situations.

Ginny, an established Doula in Singapore and a victim of child abuse, is fulfilling her dream of running a marathon, putting her Hypnobirthing teachings and her hectic professional schedule to the test.

Be a part of Ginny's journey by reading her running updates and spread the word.

My Selphy

Ooh can't wait to use this new tool for Aidan's project.

My Saviour - The No Cry Sleep Solution Book

I may be counting my chicks before they hatch but I think this needs to be said.....my baby is officially sleeping through the night!

I am literally over the moon! This is the third consecutive day now. The first night hew slept for 6 hours, then 6.5 hours then last night-- get this, 7.5 hours!

And Bud actually went to sleep on his own during his afternoon nap. No pacifier, no rocking, no feeding.

At his age, "sleeping through the night" means about 4-5 hours of sleep so I wasn't complaining about waking twice during the night to nurse him. It was getting him to sleep more during the day that was bugging me.

So I read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley -- it is a must-read for all parents who believe in not letting their baby cry it out when putting him to sleep.



The tips given in the book are largely intuitive but there were some "Aha!" moments for me and I identified with many of the struggles of the test mommies.

My take-aways from the book are: sleep association and adopt a pre-sleep routine.

Basically, babies have numerous brief awakenings. So it is important to recognise that babies make sleeping noises and yes, even if it sounds that Baby is crying, he's really just having REM sleep; so don't rush to soothe Baby just yet. Often, Baby is able to go back to sleep on his own. Or if your baby is like Bud who tends to jolt 5-10 minutes after falling asleep, stick around and soothe him back to sleep when it happens.

Also, cut yourself loose from the chains of rocking, using the pacifier, nursing to get Baby to sleep. I have adopted a routine prior to Bud's sleeping time so he learns to associate those activities to sleep.

If you have a bub who wakes up several times a night looking for comfort, company and not because he is hungry or if you are like me who didn't quite know how to settle Baby down for a long nap in the afternoons, help yourself (your sleep and sanity). Grab this book.

You won't regret it.

The Hero

Wei doesn't say it in so many words but I think he feels inferior to my breasts. They almost always seem to calm Bud down.

I don't think it's so much the fact that nothing he does is ever good enough but more like he doesn't feel that he's helped much, if at all, in trying situations.

Last night Bud became upset at the breast. He's never been that way before and cried so hard. We didn't know what else to do. Any attempt of distraction inevitably returned to my offer of the breast which I've relied so heavily on as an effective soothing technique.

Yet Wei offered to take Bud and bob him -- the way he knew how. Even though he was tired, feeling under the weather with Bud crying into his good ear, Wei persevered and held on to the hapless bub until he settled down and finally fell asleep.... for 6 beautiful hours.

To me, the attempt to tackle an issue even though the means may not guarantee the intended result is true grit. Wei is such a great parenting partner who is ever ready to jump in and help --and I am ever thankful.

In the meantime, I am just a mama cow and I have much to learn about the art of the rock and roll.

NB No More

I can't believe I am getting emotional over this--- my baby is not a baby anymore!

Well it feels like it anyway.

Bud had overgrown his newborn (NB) clothing, some cute animal cartoon tops at that. His tummy gets exposed, his chest bigger, the buttons in the middle threaten to pop out.

Well, he's 10 weeks old now and 2.6kg heavier at 5.8kg. It's a matter of time that he'll fill out his clothing instead of hanging on him like sacks.

I've packed the NB sizes away and taken the bigger-sized clothes out for him tonight.

He can't remain a baby forever but he'll always be my baby.

7 day old

10 weeks old

Milk Mare

Bud cries....we check. Just one of his sleeping noises but it really does sound like he wanted attention.

"Having another nightmare," I said. "What nightmare can he possibly have?" I wondered.

"Being surrounded by breasts with no nipples," replied Wei.

:-D

Tracing The Source

Not the best shot for comparison but you get what I'm trying to show you here.

Our Tingkat Dinner

Since we've been home for the weekends, I've ordered our dinners from KCK Food Catering.

PS: Their website is not all updated.

I was pleasantly surprised that:
1) their tingkat (tiffin carrier) dinners doesn't require you to order a minimum of x number of meals per week which many other tingkat catering sites do;
2) it costs about $5 per person per meal for 3 dishes & 1 soup;
3) the meals actually taste good (not salt laden) and they don't skimp on the ingredients.

Bummer:
a) They can't deliver in tingkats anymore but in microwavable containers. Wei & I send the containers to the recycling bag in our bid to save Earth's resource *fingers crossed*. I guess that's why they don't tie you down for a min. meals per week;
b) They only deliver to the East.


This was one of our meals:


Did I actually mention what a lifesaver these meals have been?

Future Pondering

I lay awake at 0246hr this morning even though I am knackered from the day's work.

My mind has been preoccupied with Bud's future.

I am sure that every mother before me who had planed to return to the workforce when her maternity leave expires have agonised about arranging the best care for her baby or considered alternative working arrangements to spend quality time with her bub.

I had it figured out.

Or so I thought until Bud arrived and I got to spend the past 2 months with him. Anticipating what is to come, I've wavered in my decision a couple of times.

I cannot help but feel anxious about leaving Bud in the Babysitter's care come July.

I will miss his first rollover, his first crawl, his first steps....to hear it from the babysitter's mouth will be heart wrenching. Will he still know me from what little time we have? Will I know him?

I remember a poignant scene from "Stepmom" where Susan Sarandon reveals to Julia Roberts that she has cancer and that her children's welfare will be in the latter's good hands. For a mother not to be able to partake in her child's future is heart breaking enough. To give it up to someone who (in her opinion) was deemed unfit even as a child minder must have been extremely humbling.

Well I do have more alternatives to play around with than Susan Sarandon had in the movie. But the permutation of placing Bud in the Babysitter's care while I work full time seems the best....right now.

Like it or not, she is a big feature in Bud's life.... anyway. Begrudgingly, I admit that he will be well-taken cared of by any standards.

It's about giving up control.

If I've been doing things a certain way, I bet it will be undone when there's a change of hands. There's no right or wrong way --- but there's a preferred way by either of us. The poor baby's going to be confused.

Susan Sarandon lamented that Julia Roberts will get to see her daughter in a wedding dress and Julia Roberts fears that her stepdaughter will wish her mom was around.

Babysitter may get to see all the firsts but I hope in my poorest of heart that Bud will wish I was there to witness it instead.

Before/ After Shots

These are before after shots.

My baby has been losing his hair!!

He started a few days before the first month. It was quite apparent when his hair was wet in the bath; then the strands will land on his face and clothes when it was dry.

Can't see much of his famed sideburns too.

Boo.

Taken on 23 Apr

Taken on 30 May

Tales From The Crib

It was past midnight.

I was nursing Bud his last feed for the night when Wei, who was already in la-la land, moved his hand; his 5 fingers were in unison going up and down, like he was patting someone.

It brought a smile to my face.

More often than not, in the wee hours of the morning, Bud would stir for attention.

I take him in my arms and feed him. He cries some more and I wonder why he's not comforted.

I open my eyes and realise he's still in his cot and that I had dreamt of waking up to nurse him. This delusion has happened several times now.

These stories have got to belong to first-time parents.

The Aidan Project

Combining my two loves for this new Aidan project: stationery and journal.

Drab Fab

These days, without consciously realising it, I go about my day without brushing my teeth or cleaning my face. I could be in my nursing gown from day till evening. My face is oily, my body is sweaty (breast feeding is a v hot & passionate affair)....I think Mother Earth is happy to have her soil back by the time I am done with my shower, which happens sometimes late at night.

I would not have recognized me a few months back.

And that's why I look forward to those lunches with my girl friends. For twice a week, I feel like a human being once again; I clean up nice to meet the outside world and have meaningful conversations (no offence Bud--baby talk is cool too).

I can't wait for my lunch date tomorrow.

Aidan vs Aedan

Watching "The Gilmore Girls" always makes me crave for a burger -- it must be the healthy appetite of the Girls at Luke's.

So Relish we went to satiate my craving.

Wei started talking to a couple next to us with a pram as well. The mother came over to have a peek at Aidan who was (finally) feeling sleepy -- I guess the dim lighting in the diner worked.

So we chatted:
They have a 3-month old son;
She lives with her MIL who sounderd uncanningly similar to my MIL;
Both babies' fathers belong to the same alma mater;
(Get this) Their son's name is Aedan.

My jaw literally dropped when I heard that last bit.

We were so spooked that we arranged for brunch this Sunday.

:-D

Baby Aedan

The Body Postpartum

You forget that the body has been to hell and back the day after the delivery. The system remains pumped with adrenaline and euphoria ... or maybe it's the drugs that fool you into thinking you are infallible and you could go through labour a few more times.

The ache & pain kicked-in about 24 hours later. Peeing needed some serious coaxing (oh gawd, i don't want to even think abt pooing), the legs were wobbly like jelly, the head was light, the tummy had that 'sour' sensation.

By the fifth day, I had more confidence walking and regained control of my legs. By the seventh day, I started peeing at will. I still felt sore nonetheless.

I was amazed by the "liquid gold" that came the day after delivery which will line Aidan's system with antibodies. As Wei crashed onto the couch next to me during the wee hours in the ward, I began to enjoy the bond with Bud more than I care to admit.

I was curious about the line down from my stomach to the start of my pubic area. Apparently my "linea nigra" will take some time to disappear (or not)...possibly a few months down the road. I was also quite happy about how fast the baby bump had gone down at 3weeks post delivery. And would you believe it.....no stretch marks! Woo hoo!





I hadn't realised until now that due to the pregnancy, my hair had been kept intact...and they are still intact. I think it should be falling out soon. That's about 9 * 30 * 1000 = 270,000 hair to fall out. Yikes...time to call Ken to cut it short first.

I'm sure most new mothers will atest to the fact that their wrists get weak(er) from the feeding, carrying, rocking the baby. It gets really stiff in the wee hours of the morning. OMG, my body is degenerating. Dr. Chong says parenting a child is THE labour so labour pains should be termed pre-labour instead. Yeah, good one.

Sometimes I will look down and wonder who this creature is attached to my breast most of the time; you'd think that with 30 hours of labour under my belt, I'd have more time to get used to the fact of this new addition to the family.

I still feel awed and humbled by his existence. I mean, we created him -- this beautiful boy.

How cool is that?

Aidan Turns One Month

And just like that, Aidan turns a month old.

I could get nostalgic and say that the month flew by so fast.

There were many times when my life was just about those pockets of 5 minutes....especially during those 3am feeds and there was only zzzzs to accompany the silence of the night. I am currently not living in the comfort of my own home so there were other moments when i wished the day would come for me to get out of confinement. [ Who in the world decided that confinement is a month long anyway? ] I was planning my lunch appointments during those countless hours infront of the telly.

Motherhood is actually not so bad if Baby has a predictable pattern esp. sleeping pattern. So i am actually looking forward and hoping Aidan settles down to a routine. Here's looking to the 6th week when the turning point is supposed to be (?).

We threw a lunch for the foggies last weekend on this milestone:

Stop. Enjoy.

There's quite a bit going on right now.

Aidan's like a whirlwind running in circles around us....hopefully he settles down soon.

In the meantime, here's a father and son pic.