Christmas 2010: Bud's First

In a not too distant past, Pa would always ask us what we wanted for Christmas so he could pass on the message to Santa. On Christmas morning, we'd inevitably find our gifts under the tree.

I'd received some of the best gifts ever from under that tree...gifts I'd wish I'd kept.

Bud is not too young to know about Christmas.

I sang to him Christmas hymns, placed him on my lap amidst studying while Corrinne May crooned in the background about The Gift, pasted Christmas jelly stickers in places where he'd gaze. My happiest contribution yet was to bring him to church to welcome the birth of The Emmanuel. There'll be more Christmas traditions to be embraced as he gets older.

We took Bud to the restaurant where Wei & I spent our last Christmas as a DINK (double income no kids).

Pre-Bud

He was a sweetheart and slept through most of our dinner and made an appearance for a special family shot.

This Christmas he got to see his cousins from Hong Kong for the first time. There's no greater love and joy than time spent with family. I put him in silly festive costumes which will make great pictures for the album. And the gifts.....so many nice gifts from the people who cares for him.

I do hope I made his first Christmas a special one.

Our Christmas sure has been magical with him around.



**See our Christmas in stills here.**

Happy Christmas!

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well, I'm all grown-up now
Can you still help somehow?
I'm not a child, but my start still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself, but for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal our hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end

This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown-up Christmas list

Happy Christmas to the child in you, Love from the Linsters.

Future Pondering

I lay awake at 0246hr this morning even though I am knackered from the day's work.

My mind has been preoccupied with Bud's future.

I am sure that every mother before me who had planed to return to the workforce when her maternity leave expires have agonised about arranging the best care for her baby or considered alternative working arrangements to spend quality time with her bub.

I had it figured out.

Or so I thought until Bud arrived and I got to spend the past 2 months with him. Anticipating what is to come, I've wavered in my decision a couple of times.

I cannot help but feel anxious about leaving Bud in the Babysitter's care come July.

I will miss his first rollover, his first crawl, his first steps....to hear it from the babysitter's mouth will be heart wrenching. Will he still know me from what little time we have? Will I know him?

I remember a poignant scene from "Stepmom" where Susan Sarandon reveals to Julia Roberts that she has cancer and that her children's welfare will be in the latter's good hands. For a mother not to be able to partake in her child's future is heart breaking enough. To give it up to someone who (in her opinion) was deemed unfit even as a child minder must have been extremely humbling.

Well I do have more alternatives to play around with than Susan Sarandon had in the movie. But the permutation of placing Bud in the Babysitter's care while I work full time seems the best....right now.

Like it or not, she is a big feature in Bud's life.... anyway. Begrudgingly, I admit that he will be well-taken cared of by any standards.

It's about giving up control.

If I've been doing things a certain way, I bet it will be undone when there's a change of hands. There's no right or wrong way --- but there's a preferred way by either of us. The poor baby's going to be confused.

Susan Sarandon lamented that Julia Roberts will get to see her daughter in a wedding dress and Julia Roberts fears that her stepdaughter will wish her mom was around.

Babysitter may get to see all the firsts but I hope in my poorest of heart that Bud will wish I was there to witness it instead.

Aidan Turns One Month

And just like that, Aidan turns a month old.

I could get nostalgic and say that the month flew by so fast.

There were many times when my life was just about those pockets of 5 minutes....especially during those 3am feeds and there was only zzzzs to accompany the silence of the night. I am currently not living in the comfort of my own home so there were other moments when i wished the day would come for me to get out of confinement. [ Who in the world decided that confinement is a month long anyway? ] I was planning my lunch appointments during those countless hours infront of the telly.

Motherhood is actually not so bad if Baby has a predictable pattern esp. sleeping pattern. So i am actually looking forward and hoping Aidan settles down to a routine. Here's looking to the 6th week when the turning point is supposed to be (?).

We threw a lunch for the foggies last weekend on this milestone:

Getting Organised

 

Trust an experienced mother to come up with a list replete with items that I had totally missed: bath towels, powder, powder puff, change mats etc.etc.

The list is about complete, the bags are done...now we're doing the waiting game.